


5 Times Nathan Wuornos Had to Go to Therapy (and the time he chooses to)

by Nocticola



Category: Haven (TV), The Bright Sessions (Podcast)
Genre: 5 Times, Autistic Nathan Hansen, Autistic Nathan Wuornos, Canonical Character Death, Crossover is chapter 6, Episode 3x9 Sarah, Episode 5x26 Forever, Episode: s01e03 Harmony, Episode: s02e02 Fear & Loathing, Episode: s02e06 Audrey Parker's Day Off, Episode: s02e13 Silent Night, Episode: s03e07-08 Magic Hour Parts 1-2, Episode: s04e01 Fallout, Episode: s04e10 The Trouble With Troubles, Episode: s05e08 Exposure, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post Episode 5x26 Forever, Post Episode:s02e01 A Tale of Two Audreys, Post-Troubles (Haven), Therapy, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-01-16 23:05:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12352380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocticola/pseuds/Nocticola
Summary: Another one of my 'was meant to be a one-shot but ran out of time and/or energy/got too inspired, wait for sporadic updates' type of fic.





	1. 1x3 Harmony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one of my 'was meant to be a one-shot but ran out of time and/or energy/got too inspired, wait for sporadic updates' type of fic.

2 days after dealing with the McBreen Trouble, Nathan is staying late at the office finishing paper work. He thinks he's the only one left there, when he hears a knock and looks up.

"Chief," Nathan nods, before getting back to his paper work. He's not too interested in talking with him right now. His lip has not yet quited healed and he's not ready to have a conversation about the Troubles. He knows one is coming. He's not looking forward to it. 

Garland is still hovering by the door. Clearly he has something to say. Nathan is willing to wait. 

"Nathan, you need to get checked out. Professionally." 

Nathan's writing stops. He sighs before looking at the Chief. 

"I'm fine. The damage wasn't too bad and I already got a clean bill of health." 

Nathan tries to get back to his writing when Garland speaks again. 

"Not physically. By a shrink. You have an appointment for tomorrow morning."

Fucking great. Nathan looks at the Chief again, throws his pen on the table. He hasn't talked to a shrink since his Mom died. And you would have to stretch the definition of 'talk' for Nathan's experience to qualify.

Nathan grits his teeth while talking.  
"I don't need that either. The *Trouble* wore off, I got de-crazied. I'm fine." 

Garland gives Nathan a severe, disapproving look. "I'm not telling this as your father, I'm telling this as your boss. Lucassi wants to meet with you." 

Nathan quirks his eyebrow. "Is he really the best person for this?" 

"If you're fine, then he's fine. But, Nathan, this an insurance thing. You talk to Lucassi next morning at 8am, and that's that." 

"At 8?" 

"You don't wanna be late for work, do you?" 

Nathan gives Garland a strained smile. "Of course not, Chief."

***

Nathan is anxiously waiting at the Freddy. He's early, like he usually is for these types of things. He's not quite sure how he should handle this. He hates this stuff.

At 8, Lucassi invites him to his office. It has been cleaned and seems to be in order again, after the events of the other day.

"Thank you for coming, Nathan," Lucassi tells him once they have both sat down. 

"This is an insurance thing. I'm not completely sure you're the right person to talk to. Or that I even need to talk about anything."  
"I went through it too Nathan."  
"So, you know. I don't remember anything about what happened. Just that something did. Nothing much else to say." 

" Fine. I just want to let you know that the option of talking is available. You don't have to bottle things up."  
For a moment they both sit in silence, looking at each other. Lucassi has a gentle smile on his face, so different from the raging mad scientist look he had a few days ago. Nathan is slouching and with his arms crossed. He doesn't plan on saying anything.  
"That's mostly what I wanted to say about that. As for another issue, I hear you've started to accept that your condition is a Trouble. Good for you."

Another issue Nathan doesn't want to talk about. At all.

"Yeah, it's great," Nathan says with mild sarcasm. Accepting he's a magical freak instead of a medical one hasn't really changed things for him much. Not yet anyway. But once he's ready to examine those issues, it's probably not gonna be with Lucassi.

"Don't sell yourself short. Accepting the Troubles are real, that you have one, is not easy. Many people refuse to do that for as long as they can. Some never really do. Accepting this about yourself is a very positive thing."

Nathan taps his knee nervously. He's not sure what to think about Lucassi's words, whether he should, whether he *wants* to say something. 

"I'm not sure the Chief sees it like that," he ends up saying, quietly, while staring at his knee. 

"That may be the case, but that doesn't mean you have to see it that way." 

Nathan looks at Lucassi for a moment. Then his phone rings. 

"It's Audrey. I'm her ride a lot of the time, so she probably needs a ride to work, so..." 

"That's fine. I'll handle the insurance issue, and I'm always available in case you change your mind about talking." 

They shake hands before Nathan leaves, calling Audrey back. Driving to the Inn, he has a lot to think about. When Audrey gets into his truck, looking grumpy and tired before her first coffee of the morning. They don't really talk during the drive. Nathan can't help glancing at her occasionally. It's odd how much she has managed to affect him already, even though she's been in Haven only a few weeks. Life is funny sometimes.


	2. Post-2x2 Fear and Loathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan meets Dr. Claire Callahan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Claire's been doing her thing for a while, and just because Audrey hasn't met her before doesn't mean Nathan hasn't. They have odd reactions to each other in 3x2 Stay.

Right after Audrey goes off to get her third cup of coffee, Stan appears at their office door. Even though Nathan's appoitment to interim Chief is just about official, he still hasn't adapted to all the new aspects of his role. Like moving into his Dad's office. 

"Hey, Nath-, Chief. Here's info on an appoitment for you " 

"Nathan is still fine, Stan. What appoitment are you talking about?" 

Stan steps into the office to give Nathan a business card.  
"It's Dr. Callahan. She said you need to make an appoitment with her. Something about the selectmen."

The name sounds vaguely familiar. Nathan looks at the business card. Dr. Claire Callahan, psychiatrist. "Huh. Thanks, Stan, I'll call her." Nathan gives Stan an encouraging smile and Stan returns it. 

Stan almost runs into the returning Audrey.  
"Hi, Audrey!"  
"Hi, Stan." Audrey looks at the disappearing Stan for a moment. This gives Nathan time to hide the card.  
"What did he want?" Audrey asks Nathan, sounding suspicious. That makes Nathan realize that Stan's appearance was particularly timed. Makes sense. Stan has always liked Nathan and realizes he wouldn't want to advertise having to go to a shrink.  
"Just Chief business. Nothing special."  
He hopes Audrey won't ask more about it. She does still look suspicious (it's those implanted FBI skills) but eventually she decides to just shrug and finish her coffee at her desk. 

Later, when Audrey is off having her final work coffee, even though Nathan intensily does not want to, he makes an appoitment with Claire Callahan. Even though he accepted the interim Chief job with some reluctance, he knows he has to do what he has to keep that position. He can't let the Rev gain more influence in Haven.

*** 

A few mornings later, Nathan finds himself at Dr. Callahan's office. He really hates this. But if being able to do what is best for Haven requires him to pass a basic psych evaluation, then he's willing to talk. A little. As little as possible.

Nathan takes a deep sigh and knocks at Dr. Callahan's office door. The door opens quickly and Nathan sees a young red head with a wide, nervous smile.

"Mr. Wuornos! Please, come in. I'm glad we could get this done so quickly."

Dr. Callahan invites him into her office without offering to shake his hand. Nathan appreciates the gesture. But he still ends up looking down and rubbing at his palm. Ian's cut hasn't yet healed completely.

Nathan sits at the approriate chair and Dr. Callahan ("You can call me Claire if that makes it easier for you. Although I did work hard for my doctorate." "I think I'd feel better about Dr. Callahan." "Suits yourself.") gathers her notes. For a moment they just end up staring at each other silently. 

"OK, I thought this might go like this. So, let me start. You're here because as the interim Chief, you need to pass a psych eval, but you really, *really* do not wanna talk to me. Or anyone." 

Nathan doesn't say anything. There's no reason, since she's right.

Claire tolerates Nathan's silence for a minute before continuing, " You do realize you do actually have to talk for me to give you the all clear?" 

Nathan sighs, "I'll talk when it's necessary. You have me begged. I don't like talking to doctors." 

"I understand that you have a lot of experience with medical doctors because of your particular Trouble, and boy would I love to talk with about *that*, but you really have avoided us 'shrinks' quite successfully over your life. Which you really shouldn't have. Because do you need therapy. But I also knew your adopted father, so I understand where you get it from."

Nathan squirms at the 'adopted' in front of father to define Garland.

"My parentage really isn't a topic I'm interested in exploring here." 

Claire does give him a sympathetic smile, "But it is one of the things I need to ask you about. Have you come to terms with being adopted?"

Nathan's nails are digging into his knees. He wants to bite his lips but he knows that's dangerous. 

"I only need a few words about your state of mind right now. You have been through a lot recently." 

Nathan averts his eyes, looking down at his hands. He sees the way his nails are digging in and loosens his grip. Claire let's the silence continue. Nathan takes a breath and looks at Claire.

"If you're asking whether I still consider Garland Wuornos my father, then yes." 

"And Max Hansen? What do you consider him?" 

"A dead murderer. I have no recollection about being a Hansen and I have no interest in being one." 

"Has this new information made you think differently about your mother?"

"No," Nathan's reply is curt and angry. 

"Alright, that's enough about that subject then. Thank you for opening up to me." 

Nathan can't help the short laugh he lets out, "Opening up?" 

"Yes, for a Wuornos, that was down right chatty I know I'm good, but I really don't expect to do quick progress with you," Claire smiles, she seems genuine. Nathan's that quite sure how to take her. 

"Was that all?" 

"Just one more thing. How did it feel to regain your Trouble? To choose it?"

"Made me feel good about myself. I'm quite the guy, " Nathan's voice is dripping with sarcasm. This really isn't something he wants to discuss with a stranger. And sober. He would rather never talk about it again. The way he wasted that day. He should have done more, try to experience more sensations while he had the time. He doesn't regret his choice. He would do it again in a heartbeat. But he doesn't want to discuss it.

"Answer me this honestly and I promise you won't have to worry about the psych eval causing problems for your Chiefness. Do you regret something you did that day?"

Nathan's hands are crossed at his chest. His right foot is lightly tapping the floor. He really wants this to be over already.

"Would I do a few things differently? Yes. Would I make a different choice as far as Jackie Clark and her Trouble is concerned? No. Would I handle Ian Haskell differently? Possibly. Is that enough?"

Claire looks at Nathan for a good minute. Nathan doesn't flinch, but his foot is still tapping the floor. 

"Yes. I'd like to say this was a good first session but I doubt you want another." 

"You'd be right," Nathan tries to not sound too much like an asshole. "It's me. I don't like to talk."

"Hey, understandle. But I am always available in case you decide to act out of character."

Claire walks Nathan to her office door. Before she opens it, she whispers to Nathan,  
"I think you're going to make a good Chief." 

"Um... Thanks."

When Nathan drives to the station, he feels like the visit wasn't a total waste of time. Claire seems good at her job. But he's not interested in making a habit of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll write the rest while doing my rewatch. Might take a while but eventually I will write them.


	3. The Many Deaths (up to 3x8 Magic Hour)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 3x8 Magic Hour: Part 2 and right before Nathan finds Audrey in 3x9 Sarah.
> 
> It's unclear when Arla killed Claire and took her over, but I'm thinking it was between Sarah and 3x10 Burned. So, this is real Claire.

Nathan finds Audrey and Claire outside the Gull. He hopes he isn't interrupting anything. He'd finally want to talk to Audrey.  
"Hey, you guys going inside? Apparently they're making tacos in my honor." 

Claire says, "Sure," before turning to Audrey, "We'll talk later." She is just about to walk past Nathan to go inside the Gull, when she pauses and turns and says to him quietly,  
"Hey, Nathan? We should actually meet at my office, tomorrow morning?  
"Sure." Nathan says, not completely sure about the reason. Does Claire want to talk about Audrey? Maybe. It probably won't hurt to meet with Claire. Then she is gone and it's just he and Audrey... and Jordan. His life certainly has gotten complicated. 

***

Nathan arrives at Claire's office early. Claire is already there and lets him in her office. They exchange pleasantries. The office hasn't changed much since the last time Nathan was there. He feels more relaxed this time. It helps that he knows Claire now, and hopefully he doesn't have to talk about his feelings this time.

Nathan sits down and leans his elbows on his knees.

"So, why did you want to meet me? Talk about Audrey? As friends, of course. Nothing confidential." 

Claire sighs, seeming unsure how to proceed, it makes Nathan feel uneasy.

"No, Audrey is not the topic of conversation right now. You are. You and your... 'death experiences'."

Nathan scoffs. His body language transforms from relax to tense, he straightens up and crosses his arms on his chest.  
"Really, Claire? That's what you want to talk about?"

"Yes, I do. 2 days ago, you were dead. And this wasn't the only time. Within the past six months."

"Why does it matter? Audrey fixed it. As she always does."

"Just because you are alive now doesn't mean being shot twice, by someone you worked with and trusted, doesn't affect you."

"I'm fine," Nathan says forcefully which makes him sound angrier than he intended, and does undercut his words. He takes a sigh and, more calm now, asks Claire "Is this some kind of official appointment?"

Claire gives Nathan a sympathetic smile. "This is unofficial-"  
"So I can go?"  
"-but I can change it into an official one, if that is what is required to get you to talk about this."

The silence after that stretches for minutes. Neither one says anything. Finally Nathan relents.

"I really don't appreciate being tricked, Claire." 

"I'm sorry, Nathan. But I know you wouldn't talk otherwise. And you really need to talk about this. Dealing with this requires more than getting tacos in your honor."

"Does it really? Those were some good tacos."

Claire gives Nathan a very disapproving look. Nathan looks down and rubs the back of his neck. He sighs. Silence falls between them again.

"Nathan, I didn't mention this during our first meeting, but in addition to everything else you went through, you almost died. Not to mention in one of the 'Groundhog day' timelines, and you disappeared because of Hadley's snow globe Trouble. That is 4 'deaths' within 6 month. You should talk about them."

"Audrey told you about those?" Claire nods.

Nathan really, really wants to leave. He is pretty sure his hands are digging into his sides (not because he can feel it, but because he always ends up squeezing them when he is nervous or anxious) and he wants to chew on his lip. He knows he needs to say *something* to Claire, otherwise she will try to make him have more appointments. He's happy Claire's methods seem to be working with Audrey (at least she has one uncomplicated friend), but it is really hard for Nathan to just start talking about stuff like this. At least Claire is giving Nathan time to figure out what to say.

"If it gets you off my back, then OK, let's talk about this stuff for a bit. So, I didn't think much of the whole ' death of first born sons' plague. It clarified that I have no secrets big brothers, so that's kinda nice. No word on possible older sisters, which is quite sexist of the plague, or about the possibility that somehow Max Hansen had children with someone else other than my Mom, but I guess that's always a possibility."

"Did Garland and your mother try to have mutual children?" Claire interrupts.

Nathan rubs his lower lip for a moment. "I think they tried... before she died. But they didn't really talk to me about it." Nathan shrugs and scoffs, "Whatever, I'm an only child. The dying bit was weird, basically a choking thing, but Audrey stopped it, so... Not much else to say about that. The Rev was an asshole."

"Alright. Anything else you want to say? About your other death experiences?"

"Well, like everyone else, I don't remember the whole Christmas in July thing. I just woke up in a toy store, which, not a big deal."

Claire gives him a curious look. "I went to college. I had weird college experiences." Nathan shrugs. "Well, not toy store, specifically, but weird places to wake up, yes. Audrey was a bit weird afterwards, but I'm not really sure that counts."

"And the 'Groundhog Day'?"

Nathan takes a deep breath. By the time that day was over, Audrey was so exhausted and distraught, she hadn't been able to talk about it much. Nathan doesn't know the details of all the things Audrey went through during those 'days'. He's glad to know that Audrey has talked about them to Claire, but again, he doesn't actually have 'experience' about the earlier 'days'.

"I didn't actually experience the 'day' during which I died or the one after it, so I really have no connection to that event. Audrey wasn't really willing to talk about them. So, I guess I died, but I didn't experience that. I don't even a scar from it, and trust me, I have plenty of those." 

Nathan really wants this thing to be over already. It's really weird to think about supposedly dying when you didn't actually experience it. But Claire is not yet done.

"And you just got another scar. Two, actually. From Tommy." 

Nathan sighs again. He moves his hands from under his arms, and puts them on his knees. He squeezes them, trying to relief the anxiousness. "Yeah, I do. But I still didn't feel the shots and I was only gone a few hours. So, I'm not exactly sure what you want me to say about it. I died and then Audrey brought me back. Because Audrey fixed it. Because she always does. That's the way it goes."

Claire stays quiet for a moment, waiting to see if Nathan will say anything else. She has a sympathetic smile on her faces and she leans in closer to Nathan when she starts talking.

"Just because you didn't experience the physical pain of the shots, doesn't mean the situation didn't effect you. You *died*. Your killer was someone you worked with. Your first proper hire as a Chief. You're allowed to be upset about it. Or, feel something else. And it would probably do you some good to talk about it and acknowledge your feelings."

Nathan just shrugs, "I... I don't really have anything to say. Did dying suck? Yes, actually, it did. Am I questioning myself for not realizing there was something off about Tommy? Yes. What else is there to say? It's done, it's over, and now I need to get over it and continue helping Audrey. Help her stay here. That's what's important, not me being dead for a few hours."

Claire sighs, "Fine. A few questions, and then I'll let you get back to it."

"Great! I'd like that."

"Do you have a death wish?" 

Nathan rolls his eyes at that, "No. I don't. Being a cop is dangerous in general and yeah, the Troubles make it harder, but no, I don't have one."

"Just thought that since you have such a whatever attitude towards your health, both physical and mental, that it might go all the way. Glad to hear that isn't the case."

Nathan's not quite sure, but he thinks Claire is being slightly sarcastic with him. 

"No, I'm looking to get myself killed. No matter how my behavior might make it seem." 

"Alright, I believe you. One more thing. Are you in love with Audrey?" 

This time, Nathan does bite his lip. He realizes quickly what he is doing and stops. Still, he rubs his face, tired and annoyed of all these questions. "I don't see how that's relevant either way."

"Right now, Nathan, I'm your therapist. A lot has happened lately and a lot is about to happen. You can tell me these types of things." 

Nathan's too annoyed to do anything but snap at Claire, 

"You know what? Whatever I do or do not feel for Audrey, is between me and Audrey and is not up for any discussion. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find her. To help her, because she's my partner. " 

"Technically, you're her boss." 

"That doesn't matter, I'm still her partner." 

For a moment, an angry silence falls between them.

"I'm sorry, Nathan. I am just trying to help. Knowing exactly where your head is at might help me with Audrey. And it might help you, too. But clearly, this isn't a good time. Just know, you can come to me later, in case you change your mind." 

Nathan nods. He gets up and starts to leave. Maybe he shouldn't have reacted quite like this, but his feelings for Audrey, for Jordan, they're all a mess and he is not ready to talk about them. 

Nathan is almost out the door when Claire tells him, "Hey, I think Audrey is probably by the (Herald) Haven Comics. She's also been exhibiting some obvious avoidance behavior, like you. (I guess she wants to talk to the Teagues) Not quite sure what she wants from there, but I think that's where she went." 

Nathan nods, "Thanks." 

\-- 

Nathan gets both of them some coffees before he finds Audrey. Claire was right, she is by the comic book store. Nathan's not sure why, and it seems Audrey doesn't either, because something is up with Haven. Once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now there's gonna be for real break, until I have more rewatch time and proper energy. Thank you for reading up to here!


	4. Post-4x1 Fallout

Nathan is at... Dwight's office, signing the paperwork of his reinstatement. Once that's done, Dwight brings up one final thing he has to do.

"A psych eval? Fucking really? Of me?" Nathan quirks his eyebrow, annoyed. Nathan knows he's not the picture of mental health, at all, but he's only doing this so he can have the resources he needs to find Audrey, help out on some Troubled cases and then finally fix this whole mess, once and for all. He's not going to be around long enough for it to matter.

"You need to complete a psych eval to get a gun, Nathan. It's procedure. And an insurance issue," Dwight tells him. Nathan thinks he detects some genuine concern for himself in Dwight's eyes, but that can't really be the case. He's damned them all. Dwight's Kevlar is an exclamation point of it. "No matter how little time you think you have as a cop, you'll need your gun. Lucassi will--"

"Wait, Lucassi? But he's the coroner now."

Dwight sighs, "We can't afford to be picky. "

Nathan is about to continue with his annoyance, when the implications hit. Claire. She's dead. Another person Nathan couldn't save. She isn't one of the people he personally failed. Unless you count the fact that him figuring out that Tommy/Arla was the boltgun killer, which is what made Arla ditch the Tommy persona and take over Claire instead. But that chain of events is far too convoluted for even his heightened sense of responsibility to accept. Doesn't mean his sense of guilt doesn't find a way. "You haven't replaced her yet." 

"No, we haven't. It's also better to have the issue dealt with by someone with full knowledge of everything necessary. Lucassi fits the bill. He will see you-"

"At 8am. Wouldn't want to miss work. Fine." Nathan gets up from the desk and walks over to the door.

"You know," Dwight starts to say, and Nathan thinks there's humor in his voice, and face, when he turns to look at Dwight. "Sometimes, you're so much like your Dad."

Nathan hasn't heard that a lot. Mostly because most know he doesn't necessarily take it as a compliment. But what the hell, he thinks, and asks  
"Nature or nurture father?"

Dwight gives Nathan a slightly confused look, so Nathan 'huh's to himself. Dwight doesn't know. "I was raised a Wuornos but the Trouble is Hansen. As in Max."  
Now Dwight's face shows more understanding. Maybe he did know, just forgot it. Nathan sure would like to. (Part of Nathan wants to ask, about Max. Jordan knew of him. Dwight must have too. But he doesn't.)  
"Nurture. You're a lot like Garland sometimes."  
Nathan scoffs, "Right," before finally making it out the door. As he does, he can't help but remember Garland blowing up in pieces right in front of him from the stress of this fucking town. At least his father had the good sense to not take people with him. Unlike Nathan during his breakdown. 

***

Nathan arrives at the coroner's office. It's not the most appealing place to talk about one's mental health, but it's a place with some privacy. 

No one's died yet today (might be a slow day in Haven for once, but Nathan's not counting on that to continue), so the morgue is empty and quiet. Nathan is there before Lucassi (Nathan likes to be early), who greets the waiting Nathan's "Good morning" with,

"Oh, you're here already. Morning. Well, come into my office. Let me set up a bit. I haven't done this in a while. I've been mostly enjoying my new career."

Nathan looks around the office, at the books and items, not saying anything. Lucassi must know he's there under protest. 

"Alright, so, have a seat Nathan." He does. Lucassi has a notebook and a pen on his hand and he is ready to start, "We both know why your here." 

Nathan crosses his right leg on the knee of his left one, and crosses his arms on his chest, "I need my gun back to be a cop, you need to tell insurers I can handle having one, for now." 

"I also need to assure Chief Hendrickson that you are fit for duty." 

Nathan scoffs, "He's the one who wants me back on the force." 

"You don't want to come back?" 

"I..." Nathan licks his lips, and gives a hollow laugh, "I'm not sure there's much point to it, really. I'll help with the Troubled cases, but that's... it's all a bandaid. Until..." 

"Until, you die," Lucassi says with slight disbelief in his voice, like he knows that is what Nathan believes will happen, but he is less certain. 

Nathan crosses his fingers, says with slight sarcasm, "Here's hoping." 

"That's not a very healthy attitude, Nathan." 

Nathan gives him a disbelieving look, "It's not supposed to be." Lucassi takes a break from the conversation, trying to find a new tactic. "Did you always want to be a police officer?"

Nathan gives another hollow laugh. He really doesn't know what to say to that. He always felt like it was expected that he'd become a cop. He never really thought about alternatives. Not since his mother died. After that, there was nothing else. He had no one else besides his father. Of course he followed in his footsteps, in good and bad. He can't really see how else things could have gone. (Unless he grew up a Hansen, but he doesn't want to think about that)

He tells Lucassi none of that. He just shrugs and tells him, "Pretty much."

"Fair enough," Lucassi can tells that's all he'll get from Nathan about this. "Do you think you deserve to die?" is not any less difficult question but it needs to be asked.

There's very little hesitation in Nathan's voice, "Yeah."

"Because you shot Agent Howard?" 

"Because it's my fault the Troubles are still here, and my death can end them for good. It's a no brainer."

Silence falls between them again. Lucassi looks at Nathan thoughtfully, figuring out how to continue the session. 

"Talk to me about the shooting. Why did you shoot Howard unprovoked?"

"It wasn't unprovoked, I was shot right before." 

"Are you saying it was instinct?" 

"No. I..." Nathan falls silent. He closes his eyes, tries to center himself. He doesn’t want to do this. When he opens his eyes again, his nails are digging into his knees again. He moves his hands under his armpits, takes a deep breath and sighs. 

“Nathan, my job is to make sure you won’t misuse your gun. Tell me why you shot Howard, and you should be in the clear. Even if you don’t think it matters for long.” 

Nathan looks at Lucassi again. Fine, if that’s ‘all’ he wants. He can do this. It’s not like it’s in any way a secret. 

“I didn’t want Audrey to go away, and I thought that stopping Howard might help me do. Whether that will end up being the case, we’ll see, if we can find Audrey.” He bites his lip for a moment before continuing, “I’m not going to shoot anyone else. I fucked up, at Kick ‘em Jenny Neck. I’m not going to do that again. I’m doing everything I can to make this right. I guess, the easiest way to get it done is through police resources and I need my gun for that.”

Lucassi gives Nathan a smile. “See? It wasn’t that hard, was it?”

Nathan rolls his eyes, "You know it was." 

"Well, I am glad I'm done with this career. Otherwise I'd try to make further appointments with you. You're spared that, don't worry." 

"Thanks." 

Nathan is about to leave when he stops at the door. Should he ask? No. No, he doesn't actually want to know what Lucassi thinks about all this, his actions. He knows enough about how Haven feels about him. He doesn't have to hear it too.

He walks out the door into the Haven morning. Lucassi will sort out the paperwork. Soon he’s a cop again. For now.


	5. Post-5x8 Exposure: Couples therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Couples therapy with Maddie (Julia Kash), post-5x8, before 5x9
> 
> Contain discussion about the Colorado kiss between Audrey and Duke; Nathan sleeping with Sarah; Elizabeth Hansen's death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of the '5 times'. I still have the and 1 time, plus a bonus story. Hopefully I'll update soon.

During lunch hour on a yet again slow work day, Audrey brings up something that has clearly been on her mind. She gets up from her desk and closes the blinds on her way to Nathan's desk. Nathan looks up at her from his paperwork, quirks an eyebrow. 

"You know that people assume we at least make out when the blinds are closed?" 

Audrey smirks at him, "Well, that does wonders for your reputation." 

Nathan responds to her smirk with a one of his own as she takes a visitors chair and brings it closer to Nathan's. She takes a hold of his hands and Nathan looks down at them, squeezes them, before looking at her curiously.

"Nathan... you can't feel me anymore."

Nathan pulls his hands away, crossing them across his chest. "I know. I thought we talked about this already."

"Yeah, we did. But... it means that I am not immune anymore. I... I'm not quite sure how I feel about that."

"OK."

"I think I want to talk about this to someone. Professionally. Talking with Claire did help occasionally. I think it might help now."

Nathan smiles at her. "I'm happy for you."

"I think we should do it together. Talk... about this and... other stuff. With a counselor. To make sure we really are OK." 

Nathan gives her a long stare. "I don't want to do that."

"You just said it's good for me."

"I'm fine with the way things are. I don't need to talk about them."

"Nathan, this doesn't have to be a bad thing. I'm sure you have some issues you'd like to deal with. Just... do it for me? Just once, I promise. To make sure we really are OK."

Nathan thinks about it intensively for a minute.

"Fine. I think I know someone. We'll talk, for a bit. Just to make sure we're OK." 

"Thank you." Audrey smiles at Nathan. 

Nathan's face transforms into a smile too. 

"Now, I think I was promised some making out?" Nathan quirks an eyebrow again. Audrey laughs and sits on his lap and they make out for a bit. It *is* lunch hour on a slow day, who is going to care? 

***

On the next Saturday, Maddie arrives at Nathan's house.

“Oh, little Nate! Let me look at you!” She elgulves Nathan into a hug which requires Nathan to bend down for reach. She pinches Nathan's cheeks after they pull apart. “We didn't always have that many therapists here, so I'm the one who was trying to get this guy here to talk when he was a kid. Hope you've gotten better at talking Nathan.”

“I have” / “He hasn't” Nathan and Audrey say at the same time. Audrey gives Nathan a cheeky smile before going to hug Maddie. 

“Nice to meet you, Audrey. I've heard a lot about you. Now, here's how this works. I like doing home visits, it really let's me to see how the couple lives and lets them be in their own element. We will discuss whatever topics you deem appropriate. I might want you both of you to provide me with context, so I can get the best picture which allows me to help you to the best of my abilities. Alright? You can sit at the couch while I'll take a chair.” 

Nathan and Audrey sit on his couch, side by side, holding hands. 

“Now, what do you think you need to discuss with me?” 

Audrey sighs, “Well, you know Nathan's Trouble, right? He can't feel physically. Well, I am-- was immune to the Troubles. Which meant, I could touch him, and he felt it. Well… I'm not immune anymore. He can't feel me.” 

“Is this a sexual issue, then?” 

“No!” Nathan says very forcefully. 

Audrey gives an embarrassed smile, “We've figured that stuff out by ourselves.” 

“That's good. It shows that you have a working communication system. Very promising. Well, what is the issue, then?” 

“Well… it's the little things. I used to… when Nathan was feeling bad but not talking about it, I used to… I could touch his hand, and it would help him. I could wake him up if he was having a nightmare by touching him. I can't do that anymore. I also can't deal with the Troubles like I used to. I did just manage to deal with my first Trouble without my immunity. My lack of it was actually beneficial, but… it's been a quiet week. I'm not sure how to deal with it going forward.” 

“You are worried how your lack of immunity affects both your work and your personal lives? Understandable. Nathan, how do you feel about Audrey's lack of immunity? You are here to deal with it as a couple.” 

Nathan takes a moment to think, “She has the strongest intuition of anyone I've ever met, she doesn't need her immunity to deal with the Troubles. And I was never with her because of it. I was Troubled for two years as a kid without meeting Lucy, as far as I remember, and I was Troubled a couple of years before she got back. I know how to be Troubled, and I didn't need her immunity. It was a bonus, nothing more. I have her, I don't need to feel things.” 

“You sound defensive, Nathan.” 

“Well, yeah. Some people think that's the only reason I'm with her, and it's bullshit. Audrey can comfort me in other ways, whisper or yell in my ear to wake me up, whatever. Touching isn't everything.“ 

“Alright, then. Audrey, do you want to say something about what Nathan said? Or something else about your lack of immunity?” 

While Nathan stares a head at Maddie, Audrey looks at him “Is that something recent? You haven't said anything to me about that.” 

Nathan shrugs, “Duke said something when we bodyswapped. Said maybe it's 'true love' (Nathan actually does the air quotes) because I can't feel anyone but you.” 

“Really? I'll have to say something to him.” 

“Parker, don't. He's an ass sometimes but it doesn't matter.” 

“OK, then. I think, I do still worry about how to deal with the Troubles from now on, but I guess, we'll wait and see. Need to have Troubles to see whether I can deal with them.” 

“That's a good attitude. There is more to dealing with the Troubles than being immune. But if you need to talk more, don't hesitate to call me.” Maddie takes Audrey's hand and squeezes it to encourage her. “I think that was a very nice start. Do either of you have something else you want to talk about?” 

“Yeah,” Nathan says quietly, “I wanna know about you kissing Duke in Colorado.” 

Nathan turns to look at Audrey, who has a worried look on her face. “I trust that nothing more happened, but I want to know why you did it and more importantly, why you didn't tell me.“ 

“If that's the case, I want to know why you slept with Sarah?” 

“Fine. We'll talk about that.” 

“Alright, why don't you start Audrey. Why did you kiss Duke and why did you not tell Nathan about it?” 

“I… It was our last night in Colorado. We found out about Arla, that James was married. It felt like all my hard work had been for nothing. I thought… I thought I'd wasted half of the time I had left on looking some guy who was probably dead and I had no idea who he was supposed to be to me. It… It all felt so frustrating. And Duke was there for me. He constantly had been.” 

“Because you shut me out,” Nathan intercepts quietly. 

“You'll have your turn, Nathan. Continue, Audrey.” Maddie says gently. 

Audrey sighs and shrugs, “Yeah, I wanted to protect you, so I pushed you away. I thought I was doing right by you, but maybe I didn't. Whatever was between us back then, it was a mess. Duke was simple. He was there. There was always some attraction. I had been drinking. So, it just… happened. But when Duke started to undress me further, I realized what was about to happen, and I… I didn't want it anymore. I didn't want to deal with that mess. Duke is my friend. I dind't want to mess that up.” Audrey gives a tiny laugh, “I knew if I was going to have an ill-adviced, possibly life-destroying one night stand, it would be with you. So, I stopped, pulled away and went to a walk. All night long.” 

“Why didn't you tell me any of this before? Why did I have to hear from… someone else, from Duke?” 

“When I came back from Colorado, you were dead. Hard to tell a dead man anything.“ 

“But you pushed me at Jordan, afterwards. I wanted to talk, and you were still pushing me away.” Nathan's voice has despair in it now. 

“Is that why you slept with Sarah, then?” there is slight anger in Audrey's voice now. She doesn't want to deal with Nathan's despair, so she pushes back. 

“Partly, yeah,” Nathan responds to the anger in her voice with some of her own. 

“OK, I think it's best we try to calm down a bit now. Audrey, I take it that there has been some time since both of these events. Why did you continue not tell Nathan about the kiss? It seems to me Nathan is more bothered by the lie than the kiss. You'll get your turn to deal with the Sarah issue.” 

Audrey takes a calming breath. “It was… it ended up just being a thing we can say to each other to know that I'm Audrey and he's Duke. Mention Colorado, and you're in the clear. We… we never really talked about it, afterwards. It didn't mean… It was a moment of comfort, that's all. Sometimes… you're issues with Duke just bubble up and it's ugly. I didn't want to bring the kiss into it. Especially since, when I came back from the Barn, you were actually friends. I didn't want to jeopardize that. Are you satisfied now?” 

“Yeah. I still kinda feel like you should've told me. About that… and about James. I mean, all my messed shit, you knew that, when we got together. You were there for my Jess disaster. You knew about Jordan, and Sarah. I didn't know about this.” 

“Are you saying you wouldn't have gotten together with me, if you would have known?” 

“No, of course not. I'm just saying, I didn't have all the information, and I hate that.” 

Audrey lets out a small, “Oh” before continuing, “Is this about the Chief? And Max?” 

Nathan gives her an incredulous look, “What?” 

Audrey continues “Well, your parents lied to you for years. About your Trouble, about your father. If you have issues with secrets because of that, no one would blame you.” 

Suddenly Nathan turns to Maddie, “Did you know, by the way? About my parents? When you were trying to get me to talk about 'that'?” 

Maddie gives him a sad look, “Yes, I knew. It was part of trying to help you to deal with your issues. “ 

“Fucking great. This is why I hate therapy,” Nathan rubs the back of his neck. “I really wish people would stop lying to me for my own good.” 

“Could we have a break, please, Maddie?” 

“Of course. It's your session.” 

Nathan gets off from the couch, takes his jacket (progress!) and goes out for a walk. 

Audrey stays on the couch, burying her hands in her hair in frustration. 

“Has he… dealt with any of his issues surrounding the adoption? At all?” 

Audrey shrugs, “I know he's had some insurance mandated therapy session relatively recently, but I doubt it. But he'll come back soon. And then we will skip over that stuff. He's not ready. Do you want coffee? I'll make coffee anyway. He'll want some once he's back. I want some now.” 

“Yes, please, since you're having. I will not bill you for this time.” 

“Thanks, Maddie.” 

*** 

Nathan comes back in half an hour. Maddie and Audrey are having coffee by Nathan's kitchen island, talking about nothing special. 

“Hey! There's some coffee for you.” 

“Thanks.” Nathan goes to get the coffee but doesn't say anything. He takes his coffee and goes to his bedroom for a minute. 

He reappears and goes to sit on the couch again. He takes his usual dismissive stance (hands crossed on his chect, one foot on his knee) and clearly just waits for the women to join him. 

And they do. “Did you have a good walk Nathan?” Maddie asks. 

Nathan shrugs and says nothing. “Alright, then. Is there something you want to talk about now, or will we move on to deal with the 'sleeping with Sarah' issue?” 

Nathan rubs the back of his neck again and does not meet Maddie's eyes, “I should be used to the realization that people involved in the previous generation of Troubles knew a lot but say very little. Even about things they should.”

He actually looks at Maddie when he says, "You were dealing with a 12 year old whose mother just died. Knowing there were potential adoption issues was necessarily for you to do your job. It's not your fault that... that Dad would wait 20 more years to actually tell me anything. You did your job. You're doing your job now. Now, let's deal with me being cheater."

"Alright. Thank you for understanding, Nathan. So, is that how you see it? Being with Sarah, as cheating?"

“Well, yeah. I was officially with Jordan. I was in love with Audrey. Either way, it's cheating.”

“Is that how you see it, Audrey? Of course, Jordan is not here to give her side of the story.” 

Audrey takes a moment to think. “I don't know. I'm… I'm not always sure, how I see, the other people I… the people, women, I've been. Everyone says there are similarities. But I don't remember being Sarah. I haven't experienced being Sarah, so… I don't know.” 

“How did you feel when you found out Nathan slept with Sarah?” 

“Confused. Betrayed, at least a little. Relieved. Because he was James' father. Someone who I, personally, knew. Not just someone who lived in 1955. That… there was a connection, that both I and Sarah shared. I guess it helped me connect with her. I don't know. I didn't have a lot of time to deal with it. To process. It's hard to know how to deal with much of this.“

"Nathan, please tell us, tell Audrey, why did you sleep with Sarah. You mentioned earlier that it was partly because Audrey pushed you away. Were you trying to punish Audrey?"

"No! It wasn't like that." 

"What was it then?"

Nathan closes his eyes for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “I died. I died, but things didn't change. We still knew so little about what was going on, nothing was going forward. Least of all me and Audrey. I knew something happened in Colorado, but she wouldn't tell me. She wouldn't let me in. And then I need to make a surprise visit to the 1950s and… Sarah was there. Sarah was… incredible. She was so much like Audrey, yet not really. She was… Sarah. And she wanted me. She was very blatant about that. Talked about how we had time, and we should make good use of it. All I could think of was all the time me and Audrey had wasted, were still wasting. I wanted to be with her.” He pauses there for a while, not sure how to continue.

“I wanted to be with Audrey, but you didn't seem to want to be with me. I wanted to be with Sarah, and she wanted to be with me. Would she have been with me if she knew I'd leave her alone and pregnant in 1955 because I was a time-traveler from 2010, I don't know. Would I've been with her if I had known it would result in James? Probably. It's a stable time-loop, so I always have. It's pretty fucked up but that's the best I can give you. Being with Sarah gave us James, even though it was for such a brief time, and I wouldn't change that."

Silence falls into Nathan's living room. Audrey takes Nathan's hand, pulls it a little so Nathan will sense the movement, which he does, and notice it. Nathan looks down at their joined hands but looks up at Audrey's voice,

"OK. I understand. We both messed up. At least now we know where we're both coming from."

"Yeah. We do." 

"Alright. This was quite a lot to deal with in one session, but you only wanted a one-off, so..." 

"Haven't changed my mind about that." 

"Very well. I think you have reasonably healthy communication between the two of you. If you ever need someone to mediate your conversation again, I'm just a call away. This was a very nice start." 

Maddie gets up and starts gathering her things. Audrey gets up to walk her to the door and hugs her goodbye. Nathan does the same, but reluctantly. 

"Nathan, honey, I really recommend regular therapy for you. Please consider it. Alright?" 

"Maybe." 

"Good. By the way, you were right at the start. You have gotten better at talking. Bye!"

After Maddie is gone, Audrey grabs Nathan in a tight hug. "That was kinda terrible. But worth it, right?"

Nathan holds on to her tightly, burying his face in her neck. Even though Nathan doesn't notice it, Audrey buries her hand in his hair, to keep him there. 

"Yeah," is all Nathan says, gruffly.

They end up ordering takeout and going through Nathan's movie collection for the rest of the day.

They spend Sunday in bed, enjoying their new closeness. Maybe therapy isn't all bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are curious how this fits with my other post-5x8 set fics, this happens post-Captain America Nightlight. The mentioned sex discussion will happen in my demi!Nathan fic, although it will probably take a while for me to get that far in that fic. But I will deal with it, promise!


	6. The Time Nathan Chooses a Therapist (post-Haven; pre-The Bright Sessions)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a nightmare, Paige convinces Nathan to seek professional.  
> (Surprise The Bright Sessions crossover)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: The first part in italics is a dream/nightmare and is pretty much an encapsulation of 'traumas Nathan went through', so cw for death, child abuse. The first chapter after the dream mentions vomiting, so cw for that.
> 
> Paige/Nathan.

_He wakes up. His body needs oxygen again and he-- he can't think, he's not sure what that means. Then he sees Audrey's face. And he makes a joke because what else do you do when you've been resurrected (he should know what to do by now, but he doesn't). She smiles and laughs with him. And all is well. That's all he needs. He can't feel Jordan holding him, but that is good too. But dying is still really weird, resurrection more so._

**

_Nathan can feel Duke's weakening breath against the palm of his hand. He can feel Duke's body weight over his, feels his throat crush under his arms. He can feel it all stop. He can't see Duke's ghost._

**

_He knows she's not real. He can almost remember what is real, now. She's a copy of the woman he really loves. Something took him away from the real her. Still, he loves her, this copy. He can't not love her. She disappears into the air. “We love you”. The pain of loss feels crushing. Even though she wasn't real._

_***_

_“I have to go.”_

_“Yeah, you do.” He's surprised he can say those words without choking. He knows it's true. He knows she will do it. He wants to give her his blessing. He will be fine. She loved him. He loved her. That will have to be enough for him._

__

_He sees the Aether leave his body. The first thing he feels (besides her) since he took his Trouble back from Jackie Clarke is something new. He didn't realize you can physically feel your heart break._

_He watches her and the armory disappear. He doesn't know what to do next._

**

_He held his son, once. James had been stabbed by Arla by accident, and he was falling to the ground. There's very little Nathan has been able to do for his son, but he can at least hold him so he doesn't fall to the ground._

** 

_He's glad he felt his mother's last hug._

**

_“Please, let us help.” Don't fucking die on me like this. Please, Dad. Don't leave me. I'm not ready._  
_“I love you, son.”  
_“Dad.”_ _

__

_He wishes he had felt hitting the ground. It would have distracted him from the other pain._

**

_He feels small. And weak. He wants to be strong. He wants to stop his father from hurting his mom. He doesn't care about their games, or his words. He just wants his mom to stop crying._

_But his efforts are useless. His father hits him and it *hurts* and Nathan knows that's wrong. He shouldn't hurt. His father tells him that all the time._

_“You useless little shit. You're alone, just like you always should have been.” Another hits connects._

***

Nathan wakes up with a yelp. He doesn't know where he is, when he is, for a moment. He can feel the bile rise up in his throat, though, and he knows enough now to run to the bathroom. He doesn't put on the lights, because he knows his own bathroom (and darkness doesn't feel like it will swallow his whole existence into its depths anymore, he knows he is real and exists when), his hands feel the toilet lid and he opens it just in time for him to throw up his dinner. 

He flushes the toilet and leans on the cabinet under the sink. He can feel the sink behind his head, the cabinet against his naked back. He feels his boxers, the warm tiles under his feet. He presses his head down on his knees, he feels *his own damn skin*,all over, and it feels like it's too much. Suddenly the touch of, the *feel* of everything is overwhelming, he's breathing heavily, trying to calm down but the dream is too much, everything is just too fucking *much*---

A hand is stroking his hair. _Paige_. He concentrates on her touch, on the feel of her. It helps him calm down, get out of his head and the dreams. He's not alone. He has Paige. And they have James. Even though he knows it's dark, he keeps his eyes closed. Just... concentrates. Her hand has stopped at the nape of his neck but her thumb still moves in calming circles there. He can hear her steady breathing, models his own on hers. They don't say anything for minutes.

Finally, Nathan opens his eyes. It's dark, so he can only see the outline of Paige. But he thinks he sees worry in her face. 

“-'m fine, “ he tries to say, but his voice isn't quite up to it, yet. 

Paige gives him a sarcastic smile that reminds him so much of Audrey, “Right. People who are fine often wake up in the middle of the night, yelling from a nightmare and rush to throw up it the bathroom. A completely fine thing to do.” 

“Everyone has nightmares,” Nathan says, hoping Paige will drop the topic. Then he notices her phrasing. “Yelling? Did I wake up James?” 

Paige gives him a more genuine smile and moves to stroke his cheek, “Well, it was more of a yelp. No, you didn't wake up James. Still asleep. Like we should be.” 

"Sorry." 

Paige sighs, she's clearly frustrated. "I know it's not this bad every night. But I know you wake up to nightmares, a lot. You've done it most nights I've, we've, been here. It's enough to make a girl question whether there's something wrong with her." 

Nathan knows she's joking, but he still feels the need to show her she's wrong. He pulls her to him, and gives her a kiss on the forehead. His mouth still tastes and feels awful from purging his dinner. He holds her closer to himself, her head under his chin. He wants her close, but he doesn't want her to see his face right then. 

"It's not you." He pauses, not sure whether to continue or not. "It would be worse, without you both." 

He kisses the top of her head, smells the scent of her shampoo (or more accurately, James', since hers ran out and she preferred James' pear to Nathan's pine scented shampoo).

For a while they just sit on the bathroom floor like this. It's a rather uncomfortable position, and it really is late. They should move. But Nathan feels like the other shoe is about to drop. He tries to hold on to this moment.

"Nathan. I think you should go talk to someone. A professional." 

There it is. Nathan feels his stomach drop at the thought. He's not saying he has never gotten anything out of therapy. It's just... this all feels too overwhelming. Can't he just stay like this, holding Paige, and James. He's good when they are around. It's when he's asleep, or some (most) days at work, when the issues come. He's totally fine, otherwise. He doesn't say anything to Paige. Paige sits up, talks to Nathan. Nathan doesn't want to make eye contact with her right now, so he just stares at his now empty hands and she respects that, doesn't make him look at her. She just wants him to *listen*.

"You do know you are allowed to ask for help, right? Just because you're the Chief, just because you *survived*, doesn't mean you don't deserve to talk about what happened to you, what you--- who you *lost*."  
Paige falters a little. She knows about Audrey. She has some memories, she knows the basics. She has some idea about where James came from. It's difficult to wrap her head around but she's dealing. She knows that Audrey, the person she once was, was one of the people Nathan lost, and she can't completely compensate for that loss. She doesn't try to. She's Paige, with a few aspects of Audrey, and it's all she can be. They accept that.

"There are things you can't talk to me about, things you shouldn't talk to me about. But you have to deal with them somehow. You can't... You can't keep doing this to yourself. You need help."

Paige's voice is kind and understanding yet Nathan bristles at it. Sometimes he's too much of Garland Wuornos' son. It's hard to ask for help. Even when he knows he might need it. He hasn't missed Dwight dropping hints about 'old army buddies with PTSD'. ("It's funny, a lot of them didn't even realize they had it until everything calmed down. Didn't have time to deal with it before. Constant crisis mode: fine. Some downtime: breakdown.") He keeps saying to himself that he might do something once things have well and truly calmed down. He has responsibilities, he can't neglect them. There is so much to do, to fix Haven. 

"I've been busy," he almost whispers, knowing how pathetic that sounds.

"I know. But, Nathan, I've been here for 6 months now. The Troubles have been gone for 7. I know there are still things to do, but things have calmed down. You can devote some time to getting better yourself. It's better for the town, too." Paige adds the last bit with a different tone. Nathan knows what she's doing. 'If you won't get help for your own sake, get help for the town'. If only it felt that simple in his head. 

"Where exactly am I going to find an appropriate therapist?"  
He meant to just sound doubtful but there is also anger in his voice. It's not directed at Paige, and he hopes she understands that. It's this fucked up situation he's been in for [his whole life] the past few years. How is he supposed to find someone who could begin to understand all this? Claire is gone, Lucassi ran off with his neighbor's cats before evening became hell-ish, even Maddie's dead. Haven is surprisingly lacking in therapists to handle these things. And even if there were appropriate therapists, there are so many people who need them more than he does. He's coping (like a Wuornos). That should be enough for now. 

"I met this new therapist that came here recently. She says she has worked with people with powers before, although she can't tell much more about that, some government organization, apparently. She is interested in helping people deal with the aftermath of the Troubles here. She's been here a few weeks. She talked to me at the school a week ago. I've been trying to figure out how to tell you about her."

"Why haven't I heard of her yet? I mean, as the Chief and everything." 

"She's been keeping a low profile. I know a lot of people have gone to Derry, there are some appropriate therapists there. There are options, if you want them." 

"Well, I'll need to meet this woman anyway, if she's interested in us post-Troubles. Make sure she's not writing a book or something. Give me her info and I'll call her." 

Paige gives Nathan a kiss on the cheek. "It will help, I promise. I'll give you the info-" she starts, before finally getting off the bathroom floor, stretching her aching limbs, "in the morning. We need to go to sleep." 

She holds out her hand to help Nathan up. Nathan smiles at her and gets up. He pulls her to him, gives her forehead another kiss. "I'll be right there. I'll just need to brush my teeth, see that James is alright. Then I'll join you." 

Paige gives him a quick hug. "OK. 15 minutes or I'm coming to get you." See wags her finger at him like the teacher she is and Nathan laughs. 

"Promise."

**

He brushes his teeth throroughly. One of the habits he will naturally keep post-Troubles. Everyone needs healthy teeth. He gurgles with mouthwash for a good two minutes to finally get the pukey taste from his mouth. 

He goes quietly into his guestroom that has turned into a nursery over the past few months. He means to have just a quick look at James before going back to sleep. But apparently James has other plans. Nathan finds him with his eyes open, looking intently at his mobile.

"Hey, what are you doing up?" Nathan whispers while gently stroking James' cheek. The movement amuses James and he giggles a bit. Nathan can't help laughing too. It's still sometimes hard to believe that he's here. He's a wonder. 

"Did we wake you up? Sorry about that." He takes James from his crib, holds him against his naked chest and, just, feels him. He strokes James' back, trying to entice him back to sleep. 

He walks around the room for a bit, gently rocking James. He falls back asleep quickly but Nathan doesn't want to let him go just yet. He worries about this. Parenthood. Whether he will be any good at it, in the long term. Being responsible for a tiny new life... it's overwhelming, sometimes. Maybe he *should* talk about that with someone. 

He places James gently back into his crib, and just looks at him for a few minutes. He leaves his sleeping son and goes back into his bedroom. Paige seems to be sleeping already. Nathan crawls back into bed, curling around Paige. Paige lets out a satisfied sigh and Nathan smiles before giving the nape of her neck a kiss. He's so lucky, in some ways. He falls to dreamless sleep.

###

In the morning, he's feeding James breakfast when Paige gives him a business card. Nathan gives it a cursory glance at first before going back to feeding James. Once that's done, he takes the card for a proper look.

"Doctor Joan Bright. She's the one you met?" 

"Yes. It was difficult to really find much about her officially but she seems legit. I think she could really help the town. And you." 

"We'll see about that. I will give her a call, talk to her about what she wants with Haven. If I like her, maybe I'll talk to her."

Paige leans down to give the top of Nathan's head a kiss before taking James from his chair to get him ready for the day ahead. 

"That sounds like a good plan." 

### 

Later that day, during lunch hour, Nathan's fiddling with the business card, turning it around over and over in his fingers, waiting for the courage to call. It's no big deal. He would need to contact this Dr. Bright anyway. Can't have strangers fucking up the healing process going on in Haven. He needs to make sure she's on the up-and-up. It's part of his role as Chief. He doesn't have to talk. He can just do the official stuff and not even mention any other reasons he would want to contact her. In case she doesn't meet his qualifications, he can tell Paige it didn't work out, but he'd keep trying to find an appropriate therapist.

It's just a phone call. No big deal. He takes a breath, and dials the number. Dr. Bright answers after the second ring. 

“Hello, this is doctor Joan Bright speaking.” 

“Hi, hello. Yes, umm. This is Chief Nathan Wuornos. I understand you are interested in helping people here in Haven. I think we should meet. Haven has been through a lot, and I like to make sure you are the appropriate person to offer your help here.” 

“That… That is understandable, Chief… Wuornos, was it? I understand it completely. Would you like me to come see you at the station?” 

“That would work best for me. What time could you meet?” 

“Well, I don't exactly have patients, yet, so that is not a concern. How about 8 am tomorrow?” 

Nathan can't help shaking his head a little. Of course. “8 am works for me. See you then. Goodbye.” 

“Goodbye.” 

OK. That wasn't terrible. Just official business. Nothing else.

He tells Paige about the meeting over dinner and Nathan is not completely sure what to make of the relieved smile on her face at his news. He ends up sleeping fitfully through the night.

###

Nathan wakes up a little earlier than normal, and doesn't take part in James' breakfast. He wants to be at the station early, to make sure he knows how to ask all the right questions from Dr. Bright. Which is good, because Dr. Bright is a very punctual person and arrives at the station at exactly 8. Nathan stands up to shake her hand from behind his desk. She is an East Asian woman, younger than Nathan, late 20s, possibly early 30s.

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Bright.” 

“Same here, Chief Wuornos. You have a lovely little town, here. Clearly damaged, but one can already see that it is healing.”

"Thank you. It's a small town. We take care of each other."

For a moment, Nathan and Dr. Bright stare at each other, size each other up before they take their seats. Nathan breaks the silence. 

"Dr. Bright, what exactly do you think happened in Haven? What is your purpose here?" Nathan leans forward, his face stern.

Joan gives Nathan a slightly amused smile, "Not much for small talk, are you, Chief Wuornos?"

Nathan doesn't react, just waits. 

Joan falls silent, trying to figure out how much to tell and how. "There are... some governmental agencies that were... or rather, now are, aware of what was going on in Haven. It didn't seem like any official actions were necessary, so you were left alone. Or maybe they only noticed something was wrong, when you suddenly appeared again, without people actually noticing that you had disappeared, I'm not sure of the timeline of events. Above my pay grade. I have worked with people with what we consider supernatural abilities before, and when I heard about Haven being filled with people who lost their abilities, I was intrigued. I wanted to help them adjust to their lives again. That is why I am here. Unofficially. No one knows I'm here. Officially, I am fired or on a sabbatical, depending who you ask."

Nathan's silence continues. He is trying to absorb everything she just told him.

"I intend to do nothing official with the information I might obtain here. No study, no publishing. I've... I've recently made some questionable choices, and I want to do something, simply, good. Helping the people of Haven seems like something that might qualify." 

Nathan leans back in his chair, lets the silence fall again for a minute, until breaking it. "What type of work have you done? What are your qualifications? I can't let just anyone come here, dredge up painful and complicated, emotions just because they want to feel good about themselves." 

"I understand your hesitancy. I majored in psychology. I did my undergraduate studies in... atypical behaviors. I happen to be familiar with people with powers. While I was a grad student, an organization took interest in me and they wanted to help me work on my PhD. Unfortunately, we didn't turn out to have the same ethical standards. We parted ways."

"And Haven? What do you know about us?"

"A significant portion of you had supernatural abilities. They were hereditary, cyclical, and as I have heard that they were not too pleasant, one could essentially treat them as intergenerational traumas. Of course there's also the fact that you have adapted to your powers over the periods of months or even years. One does not just adapt back into 'normal' from that, not as an adult. So, that's the approach I'm planning to take. Deal with the after effects of the ability and the various associated traumas caused by it, family relations or just simply from living in Haven during these periods of time, especially the last few years."

Nathan has listened Dr. Bright with a passive impression on his face. Inside, he thinks she has really done her homework. He also notices he has been fiddling a lot with his special, oversized pencil. It was a gift from Paige. All the sides are covered with a different type of fabric, for a different sensation. He loves that pencil. He wonders whether Dr. Bright has noticed his fiddling. She might really be able to help the town. Maybe even him. He decides he's willing to try.

Nathan looks at her, she has a slightly expecting look on her face. Waiting for his verdict. He puts down the pencil deliberatively, crosses his hands in front of him at his desk, leans closer to her.

"First things first, doctor, we called them the Troubles." 

"The Troubles. Fine nomenclature." 

Nathan stands up from his chair and extends his hand to Dr. Bright again. "That sounds like a good approach. Congratulations. I will be your first patient here. Please call me Nathan." 

Joan lets out a surprised sigh and then smiles while taking Nathan's hand. "Looking forward to working with you, Nathan. When do you want to start?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to do this chapter and was finally inspired to make a little crossover and use Dr Joan Bright from The Bright Sessions. I have listened that podcast a lot lately and I think Joan was a good fit for my purposes. This is set in mid-2012, so pre-TBS, after Joan left AM (whether that fits with TBS canon, eh. It's an AU where it does fit.). I might write a proper, full crossover at some point. Maybe Nathan's actual sessions, and certainly lots of people in Haven need psychological help.
> 
> (I still have a bonus chapter coming for this, hopefully tomorrow, before 2017 ends)


	7. Bonus: Nathan Hansen (4x10)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No-Troubles!Nathan Hansen and therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is nothing much, but I am interested in 4x10!Nathan Hansen and wanted to write a bit about him for this Nathan & therapy fic. 
> 
> I hope he had better access to mental healthcare (and diagnosis) than the real version, so that's what I wrote.

Nathan Hansen is a simple man with a simple life. It wasn’t always quite like that, of course. His father, Max Hansen, he… He wasn’t a very good person, or a father. But he had his mother, and that helped a lot. That, and therapy. He was always a weird kid, and some other kids teased him because of it, and it really helped to talk to someone about it at school. When Duke Crocker stole his Han Solo lunchbox, he cried about it to the school counselor, which was better than upsetting his mom or pissing off his father. He got over it. Kinda.

He was also diagnosed with Asperger’s as a kid, which allowed him to understand some things about himself better. Now the diagnosis is all autism spectrum but it was still helpful for him, especially when it comes to social issues. He knows his joking doesn’t always land, but he likes to do it anyway. 

Breaking his hand sledding really hurt but seeing doctors fix it, make it better, it was so inspiring to Nathan. He knew then that that was what he wanted to do when he grew up. To help people heal. It wasn’t always easy, the road to becoming a doctor is long and hard and he spent a lot of time talking with therapists, trying to deal with all the stress and the expectations. At one point during pre-med, he even thought about becoming a therapist himself, he had gotten so much help from them over the years, but he realized his social skills were more suited to a general physician. So, he worked hard all 7 years in pre- and then med school in Orono, before coming back to work at the Ping in Haven. Which felt fitting, since he was born there. 

He meets Marie and they have a rather uneventful courtship, steadily developing into a marriage. They have their beautiful daughter. Life was good. 

But when Audrey Parker suddenly appears in his life, seemingly flirting, possibly even actually asking him out, and it’s something he is somewhat used to, although since she is not from Haven, it’s not good-natured and joking flirting but genuine which he will have to, (he is somewhat surprised to realize), sadly turn down, his life changes. Everything he knows about Haven, its safety, its normality, his simply life, unravels, and he cannot help but spend a lot of time thinking ‘I really need to call my therapist’. People are dying, there’s *vandalism* and his family get kidnapped all so one-name-only supervillain William can get this Audrey Parker person to find someone. That is a lot to deal with and process. Even after his family is safe and sound at home, he still feels the urge. 

And he would’ve, if the Haven Nathan Hansen knew and loved, hadn’t disappeared in a shot of a gun and Nathan Hansen, his wife, daughter, career, all of it hadn’t gone with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, finished on 2017! Thank you to all the readers and especially to the subscribers. 
> 
> Happy 2018!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Haven Sessions](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14011242) by [Nocticola](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocticola/pseuds/Nocticola)




End file.
